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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has long been the comfort zone in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to discover that an online journalist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And nobody can overlook at the pinnacle of his career playing for City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college for toilet purposes in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking through the school acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down from the England national team after a brief chat within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I closed the door after us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his tenure as national coach “soulless”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, top sportspeople, examples, adults, parents, strong personalities with strong principles … however all remained silent. We scarcely made eye contact, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|